It’s heard often in the throes of life. “I just can’t forgive myself.” “I don’t if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for this.”

We do something that we never thought we could; a sin against a spouse, child, unborn baby, good friend, or the like. The guilt snowballs. Despair lingers. We can’t shake it. It may have been something we did a few days, or decades, ago. And the burden hasn’t gone away. “Why can’t I forgive myself?”

Dozens of books have been written on the topic of self-forgiveness. Much ink has been spilled, proposing step-by-step guides, in an attempt to walk individuals through forgiving themselves.

Some psychologists say that the battle to forgive oneself is rooted in a struggle to shed shame and blame. The goal becomes feeling better about oneself. Corresponding methods follow. For example, it is said that replaying what you did over and over again in your head isn’t going to heal you or the one you hurt. Instead, it only makes you feel bad. And that shouldn’t happen. So, if you find yourself meditating on your mistakes, stop, and refocus your attention on something more positive. One such technique is Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique. It’s a self-promoting procedure aimed to convince yourself that you are better than past mistakes.

Others advocate dealing with self-forgiveness by fighting off the bad things you’ve done. Preach to yourself the good things you’ve done. You should meditate on what an amazing person you are to leverage self-forgiveness.

Still others prescribe a form of self-pampering. Treat yourself to your preferred pleasure. Sure, you made a mistake, but it’s toxic to feel bad about yourself. So, drown out the negative with your favorite treat or trinket to self-actualize yourself once more.

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